I was in the throws of panic attacks last night. Couldn't sleep, soaked in sweat yet freezing cold, I was bombarded by nightmares of not getting a dorm room, no one in the University being helpful at all, being lost in a giant huge city where I didn't know anyone..... So, not like random fears at all! Finally, at 6am I got up, and checked my email. It was there! My big accommodation invitation (FINAL OFFER.)

The disturbing part is that the room becomes available to me September 18th! That's only six weeks from now. I thought I wasn't supposed to be there until October. It all feels like such a rush now, and all of a sudden I am supposed to get a move on, when actually I don't have all the information, i.e. when school actually starts. I'm so confused. I feel like I should hurry up and buy my ticket though, there are some available for only US$300. I do hate feeling rushed into the biggest decision of my life, even though I have already decided to go.

Scott and Miss said they will throw a good bye party for me!

I am so stressed and need to remember the following things:
1. This is what I really want
2. I don't want this job anyway
3. If things are truly awful, I can always bag it and come home
4. No matter what happens, I'll be a better person for it

I went to the Container Store because they have lots of good trunks and I need to start deciding what I am going to take with me and what I am going to get rid of, and how much space I have to do all that. Everyone there was so wonderful! The guy that I asked first was actually from England, and then everyone else who came over to see what we were up to were so excited for me. I do enjoy seeing my own mixture of insanity and bravery reflected back at me by strangers when I tell them what I'm doing.

I'm going home and off to bed. I've never been more mentally exhausted (well, not without taking a final exam beforehand at least.)


The way was long and weary,
But gallantly they strode,
A country lad and lassie,
Along the heavy road.
The night was dark and stormy,
But blithe of heart were they,
For shining in the distance
The lights of London lay.
O gleaming lights of London,
that gem of the city's crown;
What fortunes be within you,
O Lights of London Town!
- George Robert Sims