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Friday, October 01, 2004 

You Got Me There

Strange Thing #8: Every single slightly disparaging comment I have about London/England/British Empire, no matter what it is, is greeted each time with the following comment: Yea, but in America you're allowed to shoot each other.

For example:

Setting is Kitchen on Dorm Floor, several student preparing dinner
Joe (explaining his physiology practical where they spent the day feeling each other up in class): Yea, so I got to put my hands right on the girls bums! Right here! *demonstrates on his own bum*
Me (shocked): So you just feel each other up, as part of class? You'd never get away with that in America, you can't force girls to get felt by guys like that!
Joe: It's not forced, they volunteer. But everyone ends up volunteering and everyone gets used to it.
Me: Still seems odd. Wouldn't happen in America, that's for sure. Imagine the lawsuits...
Joe: Yea, but in America you're allowed to shoot each other, so....

And now for some variations on a theme:

Same setting as above, different day
Ross: Oh right, what you got there?
Me: Quorn! I'm so excited!
Ross: Oh yea, why's that?
Me: I don't think you're allowed Quorn in America, I think it's illegal.
Ross: Why would it be illegal in America?
Me: I can't remember, but I think it was making some people sick or something.
Ross: So let me get this straight then, you can't eat Quorn but you can shoot each other?

And my latest favorite...
Setting is Pharmacy third year students lab practical
Me (wearing my Smith & Wesson cool ass lab goggles I ordered when I was still at S Inc and brought with me): So the calculation you need to consider next is--
Student: Those goggles are sharp.
Me: Thanks.
Student: Smith & Wesson eh? (they are labeled as such)
Me: Uh, yea I guess so.
Student: You use those when you go shooting then??

Ahh, touche England, touche.

What did you think of the quorn? (personally not too keen).

yes but...have you ever shot anyone?

I actually thought the quorn was pretty good! It tastes and has the texture much more like chicken than tofu or soy products do. Don't think I could eat it everyday or anything.

And hey! I haven't shot nearly as many people as they have deserved it, so! How about some credit for restraint?

I give up ... what's quorn??

-- Mum

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